I can remember it like yesterday when my mother turned 50 years old. My nephew, who is only four years younger than I, walked into the house and asked my mother, "So, Mam-Maw, how does it feel to be half a century old?" Ugh...I can only imagine how she must have felt to hear those words come out of his mouth. And that is exactly why I have decided to be 48 this year for my birthday instead of 50!
OK...so, I thought momentarily about "embracing 50" and truly, I tried. However, in the end I decided that I just wasn't ready for that number yet. There are already SO many things that have happened because of that impending age. And I must admit that none are really that enviable; Here are a few:
1. Maintenance is heck...but CRUCIAL! There's the monthly roots and highlights to keep up with, nails to be polished and let's not forget this one...attempting to keep the wrinkles at bay.
2. Then there's the good old HORMONES. Yep, like it or not, they just keep rearing their ugly head.
So, one has a choice...they can either live in misery (or make others miserable...) or do something
about it. You've got it! Another daily duty...putting on all of those hormone creams. Every time
I do so, I think of Samantha on "Sex in the City". Once again...the choices are limited...
3. And if you are like me, there is the battle of the thyroid. Sluggish thyroid = weight gain (ugh...
just perfect!). This leads to the next problem...
4. Medication! There was a day that I didn't have to take a pill; hmph! I think I need a pillbox (NO!! Heaven forbid, PLEASE!) to keep up with what my doctor wants me to take. First (and most
importantly...) the thyroid medication. Then there's all of those vitamins. The thyroid
medication is for helping me regulate all the hormones in my body (Do I hear a HALLELUJAH
coming from my spouse?!) so I can hopefully lose some weight. And the vitamins?...I guess
they are there to give me energy to do the following...
5. Losing weight. I can still recall (OMG!...Do I sound like my mother now?!) the day when I
had a GREAT metabolism and could eat anything I wanted and NEVER exercise (sigh...).
6. Then, there is something fishy going on with my mail AND e-mail these days; I keep getting
letters to sign up for AARP! WHAT THE HECK?! Isn't that for "old" people? CRAP! They
must have the wrong address and I wish they would QUIT sending that junk mail my way!
7. And THIS is probably (No..it IS) the main reason that I have decided NOT to go "forward" with
my age, but "backwards"...the old "Tube Up The Butt"! Sorry, doc, but there are enough grim
things going on with this gal without celebrating her 50th with a colonoscopy! HEY! When my
friend turned 50, her husband (who is a doctor...) scheduled them a "Couple's Colonoscopy"! I'M
SERIOUS!!! Definitely NOT what I want for MY birthday!
And so, when the kids were home the other day, the subject of my "Big Birthday" came up. I looked at them quizzically and said, "WHAT 'Big Birthday?...I'm only going to be 48.'" When they challenged me, I looked at my husband, who already knew about my plan, with the evil eye...He confirmed that I indeed WAS only going to be 48 years old on my birthday this year. Of course, Caitlin attempted to spoil it by pointing out that at some point I would catch up in age to her future children; I replied, "Benjamin Button".
OK...so, I'm not saying that I WON'T be getting that "Tube Up The Butt" thing at SOME POINT (for those of you who are already worrying about me neglecting my health...gosh!). However, I just want to ask one thing..."Why can't the age be 51? There's already enough crappy (pun intended...) things beginning to take place without throwing that in." Well, the good thing about it is the fact that "within the year" TECHNICALLY means there are 365 days to do it! So, until then I'm going to
see what all I can get into..seeing that I won't be leaving the 40's for a while.