That First Child...

I have often reminisced with others about how that "first child" a couple has differs from other subsequent children. New prospective parents are information seekers upon learning that they are expecting. They arm themselves with classes, books and now information from the Internet (we didn't have that when I gave birth to ANY of my children) to guide them in their preparation for parenthood. My oldest son, Justin and his wife, Sarah attended a childbirth class this past Saturday.

Justin informed us that he would be taking the day off from work on Saturday to attend a childbirth class with Sarah. Their daughter (we know this because EVERYONE uses the technology available to find out early these days the sex of the child...no surprises), Parker Ann is due in approximately 5 weeks. I commented that he would most likely learn a lot at the class when he then informed me that he already KNEW a lot and had even see "The Film". He went on to describe "The Film" as an "under the sheet view" of child birth; definitely something he did NOT want to see again! Hmmm...I pondered this for a while and then had to ask, "Where and when would you have seen something like that?" He promptly reminded me that his concentration for his bachelor's degree was in behavioral sciences and that he had practically taken a classes in every age group. SO...he actually received college credit for this?! I really didn't think much more about the childbirth class until Robby was reading the newspaper Saturday morning and announced that the class apparently was from 9:30 until 4:30...WOW! I thought, "That sure is a long time." Justin has a difficult time sitting in his office for long periods of time doing paperwork. This should be interesting.

Robby and I, having been left with an "empty nest" again (David is on his honeymoon, Ryan just left for dental school and Caitlin is in Honduras), went out to lunch and then a movie. Upon leaving the theatre, we decided to give Justin a call to see how the class had gone. One has to first understand that Justin tends to speak a little like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh...Ho Hum...Life's a Bummer...I Can't Believe I had to waste my time doing this...You get it? So, when he began to regale us with details of the class, we knew it was going to be a humorous tale of negativity.

The first thing Justin told us was that the class was SO LONG...for no good reason. There were only about 4 other married couples there, with all others attendees being single mothers; one with a boyfriend and the the others with their mothers. One of the married couples attending was the youth director from our church. He kept receiving text messages from a friend instructing him to LEAVE when they got ready to show "The Film". As classes usually go, there were many questions (I'm reluctant to say silly or ridiculous ones because as a teacher, I am supposed to say,"There are no silly questions..." HA!...Yea, Right!) asked with attempted answers by the instructor. Here are just a couple..."I know you "whup" the baby when it's born, but how long can it go without oxygen before getting brain damage? 30 seconds, 1 minute, 2 minutes? (GEEZE!). "How many people can go into the delivery room with me because my dad wants my sister to go in with me. You see, she is having sex and he thinks it might be a good form of birth control! (To which Justin said to me, "Yea, maybe you should've done that and then you wouldn't be knocked up right now; his words...not mine). They also taught them how to change a diaper...REALLY?! Are there people out there who don't know how to change a diaper?!? That's pretty "self explanatory" and I'm not sure that someone who can't figure out how to change a diaper without taking a class should be having a baby. And then, after taking a tour of the women's center, the moment had arrived...it was time to view "The Film". Justin said, "OK, I've already seen this, so I'm leaving now." The youth director turned to him a little startled and asked, " YOU'VE seen "The Film"...where did YOU see it?" Justin replied, "Oh, I saw it in a college class." "A COLLEGE CLASS?!? What kind of degree do you have anyway?"

Well, after discussing this eventful and informative day with Justin, Robby told him that one thing was certain; women had been giving birth for years and the baby was going to come whenever it got ready. Words of wisdom...spoken not from a medical professional, but a future Poppe!