When Joy Becomes Intertwined With Sorrow

Yesterday was an ordinary day.  A day just like any other.  I got up, went to the gym, grabbed Caitlin and Holli to head out to my Mother's house for the day and prepared to do her weekly grocery shopping.  It was just going to be an ordinary day with the exception of possibly finding out the sex of Justin and Sarah's baby.  We, of course, were excited about that, everyone guessing if it would be a boy or girl, wondering what Parker's reaction would be when she found out.

While we were excited to find out about our newest member of the family, over in Texas, our niece and nephew were in the hospital labor and delivery about to have their very first little one, a little girl already named Ainsley Rose.  My nephew, Josh, and Ryan are only three months apart in age and he has been more like a brother to them instead of a cousin.  They have all been in each others weddings and he was just next in line to have a baby. 

By late afternoon, we left my mother's house to head home. Robby and Ryan had been fishing down south and we hoped to have some fresh trout for dinner.  Caitlin would be flying back early Saturday morning and I was soaking up every minute I could spend with her and Holli.  And then the telephone rang and suddenly our very ordinary day became a not so ordinary day.  It turned into a day filled with anxiety and sorrow.

The phone call was from Ryan.  They had heard from Texas and the news was not good.  Lana had been taken in for a C-section and there were complications with the baby and she was on a ventilator fighting for her life.  The tears fell, the prayers went up.  We texted, called and e-mailed everyone we knew to also pray for Ainsley.  A med flight was supposed to come pick her up and take her to a hospital in Dallas where there was a NICU.  They were not able to stabilize her and so she did not make it on that flight.  We continued to stay in touch with the Texas family to see how she was doing.  A storm came through and the next med flight was delayed.  At 11 p.m. she had still not been picked up.

It was a sleepless night for me.  I continued to wake up all during the night and each time I did, I said another prayer for God to save this baby.  Robby woke up at 6, took his shower and I continued to lay in bed thinking of nothing but precious Ainsley and her parents.  As I shut my eyes, the bedroom door opened and I looked up to find Robby standing there.  He choked out the words I did not want to hear, "The baby didn't make it."  It couldn't be.  There was no way the baby had not made it.  How could this have happened? 

As I made my way to the kitchen, Justin, Sarah and Caitlin were up and the tears were already flowing.  We made calls to David and Ryan and other family members and friends who had been praying for this sweet baby.  We are all in shock and our hearts are totally broken.  Instead of taking a precious newborn baby home, this sweet couple is now planning a funeral.  How does one survive this?  How do they go on?  There is only one way and that is by leaning on their faith in God and allowing Him to provide the strength they need.  We cannot comfort them with our words or deeds.  We are totally helpless and that is a terrible feeling.  Because, we, as humans want to do something, anything to make things better.  Sometimes we just can't, some things are not in our control.  Our ways are not God's ways and we do not understand this but we do know that God is in control of all situations and He can and will shelter them in His arms.  Only He can do what we are unable to do.

I struggled with even writing this post but I find that this is the way I deal with things.  Writing is my therapy.  While others are crying and talking about the situation, I find I need to put my thoughts down in words.  I'm not sure it helps me understand things any better and I know it does not make me feel any better but it is a release of emotions for me.  I would ask that you pray for Josh and Lana.  They are going to need your prayers in the days to come.  This journey is going to be difficult for them.  When joy becomes intertwined with sorrow where do we turn?  There is only one place to turn; we turn our eyes and hearts upward to God.  He alone can meet our every need.