Raw Truth

When people disappoint you...and you know that they do and inevitably will...what do you do?  OK,  let me be a little more specific.  When someone who is close to you disappoints or hurts you what do you do?  Someone you thought you knew.  Someone you thought you could count on and had your back.  What do you do?

Well, to answer that question,  I would have to say I ponder the relationship long and hard.  Most likely harder than I should.  I look back on the events that led up to the "disappointment".  What exact event opened my eyes?  And if look intensely enough I see the truth.  And believe me, that old adage, "The truth hurts" could not be more appropriate.

You see, I am that person who believes that if I turn my head the other direction or do not peek out of my peripheral vision that something does not exist.  I attempt to explain things away so as not to hurt the other person while all along hurting myself.  Because it's easier to deal with hurting yourself, right?  If I look too deeply into the situation I might see what is really there.  And once it becomes real I cannot ignore it any more.

Such is life.  A series of events.  Some happy.  Some sad.  Some hurtful.  And the question still lies before me.  Floating there in space without gravity to pull it to the ground.  Without the ability for me to catch hold of it and look it in the eye and examine it.  It is out my reach.  Just whenever I think my hands and heart can grasp it and I have expectations that understanding is right before me...it floats a little higher.  Up into the clouds.  Out of sight.  Out of my mind.  Where I cannot even glimpse it any longer.  And with it way up there, surely it cannot disappoint me any longer.  Right?

Only until I can glimpse a small portion of it beneath that cloud.  Small enough to barely exist, yet large enough to remain in my mind. And it's still there.  Once my eyes have been opened to the truth they can never be closed again.  I can never pretend that it doesn't exist.  Because it does.  And because of that I must learn to move on.  Like those clouds that float across the sky.  Like the waves that ebb and flow.  I must learn to flow with the winds and changes of life and relationships whatever they may be.  Because I must live.  And to live sometimes means to move on...